There's a conversation that I think most SAHMs have had that goes a little something like this:
"So what do you do?"
"I'm a stay at home mom."
Normally, this response is accompanied by an awkward silence, eyes quickly turn toward to the floor and all of the sudden you become uninteresting.
After having this experience many times, I started to become discouraged, feeling less than and lost sight of who I was as a mother.
That beautiful, on top of the world love feeling I had when I first had Miss E suddenly felt "unimportant" at that moment.
I found myself trying to find something to compensate for that unimportant feeling I felt being a mother.
I started a blog and crafted because it made me feel good and I guess I was hoping it would help me avoid that awful feeling. What I found out after trying to separate myself from the title: "stay at home mother" was what was most important. I realized that it wasn't that other women in the conversation trying to make me feel bad about being a mother, it was me.
As a mothers, we are constantly under attack from our society. There are plenty examples of this attack in our daily news. Society tries to make us feel less than, and unintelligent for choosing something that is in reality, such a pillar to our community and country. I don't know when motherhood switched from being a divine calling in our culture, to a burden and a "last resort" but it started to make me question if I was really making a difference being a mother.
And then something happened. Over the last several months, I did an experiment. I read an article that changed my thought process and the way society told me to view motherhood. Tears streamed down my cheek as I read and I knew that I wanted to be a better mother.
I started by tying to eliminate the things that were distracting me from being the mother I wanted to be.
Blogging has been such a wonderful outlet for me. I've loved documenting and sharing projects with you. But after reevaluating how my time was being spent, I realized a lot of it was dedicated to blogging. There is so much involved in the blogging process. Posts, pictures and editing, I discovered, was taking up precious time I could have been spending with little miss. So, I took a break.
While I was on my break, I said "yes" a lot more. I played play dough, baked cupcakes, went to the park, read stories, played Mr. Potato heads, put on a princess crown (everyday), danced, colored, participated in tea parties, I learned and sang all the songs in the "Tangled" soundtrack and made fun craft projects with my daughter.
What I noticed was: my daughter and I looked at each other differently. I really looked at her and noticed things I hadn't before. I noticed what she really wanted from me was my time. Our relationship began to change and I appreciated being a mother more each day. I would hear "I love you very much mommy" more times in the day than I ever had before. And as I learned to let go of all of my distractions, it became easier and easier. I actually enjoyed myself and my love for my daughter (which I didn't think could grow anymore) exponentially grew. I found myself as a mother and I am so grateful that this experience has given me that.
This doesn't mean I will never blog or craft again. In fact, I crafted quite a lot since I've been gone. What it means is that my first priority is E and everything else comes second, including the blog. Posting will probably be infrequent and I'm ok with that. I have my whole life to blog but only a few precious years while Miss E is little and I don't want to miss a thing. :)
Thank you for your concern, love and support. I have loved getting to know and build blogging friendships with you. :)